an apology

 there’s something selfish about grief over a death. Part of you sympathizes with the family, part of you — it may be the greater part– shifts to ‘what if it was me who lost someone?’ Then the grief just shifts to fear. Then you get a grip of yourself & you feel selfish.

While at work on the Thursday shift (maybe between 1am & 3) I was browsing through my brother’s Facebook friends list. I saw my niece, Ponjap. I looked at her photo & I weighed the question whether to add her or not.

I chose not to, because we haven’t talked in such a long time…

That’s such a lame reason. Made even lame-er by the fact that she passed away.

They told me she died at 1pm yesterday. I only found out tonight.

I don’t know how to process this information & I feel guilty of this inability to mourn.

But the fact remains. I love her.
And maybe, just maybe, that’s all that counts.

~when you’re gone, the pieces of my heart are missing too~

darn, t’was like looking for papercups at a hardware store

Saturdays should really be spent awake. This way you don’t feel that a day from off your meagre weekend has been stolen from you.

I say this because I get off from work on Saturday morning, & resume Monday nights.

Anyhoo, this weekend (& i usually start with that, because between Mondays & Fridays I feel that life is on hold) my not-so-little-little-brother & I went out. He’s in town ’til tomorrow night. I love how he’d never find it too expensive if a meal fulfilled his gastronomic delights. We are actually alike in that department, if the food is good, whatever price si right. [Woah, I was surprised he still ordered pizza after devouring roasted ribs] We had dinner at Gumbo on Saturday; Sunday we had late lunch at The Old Spaghetti House (too bad it was past 2 pm & so we couldn’t get the Much for Lunch offerings). And then we had dinner  at MXT where Notcha had a hefty meal of Beef mami, siopao & siomai.

On Sunday p.m., we scoured the appliance centres & kitchenware stores (sadly mostly fronted by salespeople who had no idea what a blow torch or cooking torch was). Mom had long wanted to have a cooking torch; but it wasn’t available in Legazpi. We didn’t find it anywhere, not at Megamall or Robinson’s. Notcha (of course it was Notcha) bought it for Ma, just this afternoon. He found one at Shopwise near our apartment.

Here’s our loot from the weekend:

The laptop bag’s for me, the mp3 player’s for Tot, & the butane-run cooking torch is for Momma )

[To follow - photos of Notcha & myself. But mostly of Notcha & the food we gorged.]